OVERCOMING CHALLENGES

Tina described the changes she has made since starting to look after a neurodivergent child. Her life definitely looks different now and she spends any spare time she might have researching neurodiversity and how it might affect a person’s day-to-day life.

She said: “I’m listening to podcasts, reading and researching relevant topics at night or whenever I can squeeze it in. I am constantly looking at opportunities to enhance my knowledge in relation to neurodiverse children and their needs and strategies to apply in everyday life.

There is nothing that can prepare you to look after a child with high needs. Even armed with a lot of knowledge and resources beforehand, you will need to
learn to apply different techniques depending on what works for the child at that particular time to meet their needs. The motto is: do not give up on
them!”

She also spoke about how it affects her emotionally:

“You have to be resilient in a lot of ways. You have to be fully invested in what you are doing and your emotional well-being needs to be pretty solid. If you think you can make a difference in someone else’s life, then go for it.”

Rewards of fostering a child with complex needs

Despite its challenges, Tina loves being a foster parent and encourages more people to take up the career. She also explained that for her,
the best part is the unique feeling of receiving back what you seeded previously.

“I’ve had so many positive experiences when it comes to fostering,” she said. “I think that every day can become brighter and more positive when you get back what you give. If you’re giving and showering your children with love and affection and then you receive it back, you must
have done something right!”

“It’s the little things that matter, like the child getting excited to make you a Mother’s Day card or hugging you goodbye at the school
gate, walking through the school door but then turning round and running back to you, as they wanted to give you another hug.

She also spoke about helping a non-verbal child to speak and read.

“I had a child come to me who wasn’t fully verbal, maybe a couple of words here and there. We mostly used Makaton [a language of signs and
symbols used to help people with disabilities communicate] and a constant 1:1 support and learning which was pretty much round the clock, but within six
months, he was able to create sentences independently and had a level of speech and understanding that no one thought he’d ever get to. It’s been challenging but incredibly rewarding to see him speak and form sentences without the imminent need of visual aid.”

Improving awareness of neurodiversity

Tina also chatted about the difficulties that parents of neurodivergent children can face, as well as how we can reduce the stigma that
can affect the lives of neurodiverse families and communities. Schools and other organisations (medical and educational) often underestimate the needs of these children due to their lack of knowledge and/or experience with individuals’ conditions/difficulties. Tina believes symptoms are often
overlooked and therefore, children do not get the extra support they need whether it is at home or in their setting.

“Sometimes it’s hard to get support from schools. It’s like as soon as they walk through the school door, they are a different child.
A lot of it is masking at school and in public and they wait until they come home/safe place, where they then let the guard down and the real behaviour/feelings surface. Like any child, my child has his moments, but at school, he tends to listen well and will do as he’s told but as soon as he’s home, he acts out and displays pathetic demand avoidance and gets very emotional even when asked to comply with a simple demand. He is at home,
and he feels safe to show what he is feeling.”

Could you help transform a life by fostering? Tina understands that fostering isn’t for everybody, especially fostering children with additional needs. She said: “I’d be lying if I said fostering hasn’t affected me, it has indeed affected my life on every level, but it’s also shown me how life can change for children in care and that we all can make a small difference by simply loving them as our own. With the right care, love and support and the right strategies/resources to meet the child’s needs, it makes a huge difference to the child’s life, as it is likely that they have been neglected in the past or experienced some sort of trauma and lost faith in adults and the system. It is our job as foster/adoptive parents to restore their faith. And this has been my goal since I became a foster parent.